Ryan's Journal

Unnaturally giddy. My hair is a different color today. I want to be deeper with God. All these disjoint thoughts running in my head. Breathe, man. I'm not sure why I was so happy yesterday. It didn't make any sense. I finally ended my quest to visit all undergraduate dorms by visiting Yao at Senior Haus. Judy dyed my hair, I like the color but I think it doesn't smell so good.

I think I'm growing away instead of closer. I feel like I did when there was always something to 'catch up' with God. Like I could still do my devotions and it would be kind of ok, but there's a block as if I forgot to do something absolutely essential. It's kind of bothering me. It's very much so bothering me. I really don't feel or act any different anymore, as if I'm taking God's changes in me and using them as my own, like I'm bullcrapping the Christians again. I think that's going to be the focus of this next quiet time.

I know I am loved. Christ is proof beyond any other proof needed. I want to know what it means to love Him back. I know obedience is part of it, and worship is in there somewhere. Can I truly say 'I love You' back?

No journal entries until I get back from the retreat. Maybe I'll type some thoughts in from journaling there.

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