Ryan's Journal

The Star Wars Holiday Special is probably the worst thing I've ever seen made for television. It has zero Star Wars, camp, nostalgic, or enjoyably bad merit. At one point in time I enjoyed Star Wars and still view the original trilogy fondly, thus my interest in locating a copy of this rare gem in the wild, aired but once near Thanksgiving, 1978 (the year after the first movie came out). I happened across a copy on the wild wild web.

It's horrifying. HORRIFYING. It's as if the writers, producers, make up artists, actors, and sound effects editors all went spontaneously insane and beat up a wild pack of monkeys, then asked the severely incapacitated monkeys to write a two hour television special for them. And then they filmed it. And showed it on TV.

Various interludes of Chewbacca's family (Chewbacca is the big hairy alien) sound like constipated donkeys fighting over who's got it worst. Really. If you've seen it, you agree with me. So don't see it. There's not even a translation for the Wookiee-speak, it's just an unending hell of constipated donkey braying whilst furry creatures cavort about like mentally challenged monkeys (not a surprise considering the script source).

Eventually a plot unfolds while has-been stars of the day (read: even Star Wars money is good) appear in vignettes demonstrating why injured monkeys don't make good writers. Shakespeare will have to wait for the next monkey-typewriter session. I couldn't stand to pay enough attention to decipher it, what with the inexplicable singing and donkey honking.

The lesson is, if you're going to do something, don't make a Holiday Special. Also, put everything into it or don't do it at all, because you might end up with donkey opera (famously paraphrased for Yoda's line: "Do. Or do not. There is no try.")

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