Ryan's Journal

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the sun does not appear, I will be here. If in the dark you lose sight of love, hold my hand and have no fear, 'cause I will be here. I will be here when you feel like being quiet, when you need to speak your mind I will listen, and I will be here when the laughter turns to crying, through the winning losing and trying, we'll be together... I will be true to the promise I have made, to you and to the One who gave you to me.

Some of us old Cross Products are singing the sometimes-dreaded I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman for Jane's wedding, at her request. I used to gloss over the lyrics when I was in Cross Products for most songs, eventually, but I guess since we only practice once a week and only get to hear Tony sing on a couple of those runs, I do pay some attention (we're an a cappella group, all of our vocalizations are 'doo' or 'bum,' so we don't sing any words). And I wonder what it's like for each of the people participating to listen.

We're all at different stages of life, particularly in relationships. We have a married couple and five bachelors of varying age. What are those five guys thinking? I suppose if they ever read the journal they could answer that... Perhaps it's harsh to ask, but what is it like singing those words knowing there isn't anybody on the receiving end, for now? Does it matter, because somebody will be there eventually and these words will ring true for them, whoever they are? And what are the married people thinking, if anything at all? Is that how they feel they're treating each other, being true to their respective promises, being there even if they "lose sight of love?" Is it a reminder?

I suppose it's fair to answer some of my own questions. I do like this song. I liked it before I ever had anyone I could say it to (even though MAC hated it - would it be too cruel to ask him to perform it at some of our weddings as well...[evil laugh]). He chose some good words about faithfulness and presence, not the kind of crap about somone being my fire or my one desire. Those are words with a long view of time, where life isn't a fantasy of perfection. Using somebody else's words seems contrived to me for some things, but these are words I appreciate. When I hear them, I want her to know that that's exactly how I feel.

Just something that crosses my mind after Monday rehearsals. Additionally so because I realized I can't find my SCC Greatest Hits CD... Must have left it at home.

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