Ryan's Journal

Oh look, they finally caught that dog from one of my earlier entries. I think this originally started as a human interest story ("Aw, a cute widdew puppy is stranded at sea! Let's save it!"), considering how it started out as a breaking headline. It morphed into a fiscal irresponsibility story as we found out that the Alaskan Humane Society had just wasted a good chunk of money on saving one dog on a boat that was on the brink of causing some environmental damage, which is slightly more understandable news. I think they just want to end the story now, because, really, we don't care about the dog.

In my own little world (where ornery stray dogs can be shot with tranquilizer guns), I've been mulling over why some of us members of humanity seem set from the beginning to be forgotten. Of the billions upon billions of humans who have ever lived, what is really remarkable about any one of us? What separates those of us destined for total obscurity from greatness, however that might be defined? No, it isn't my greatest desire to be remembered for all time for something, though I'd rather not have a notorious name. (aside: I don't want my journal entries to be full-fledged essays, I'll keep this short) I think I just wonder why it's so hard for me to better myself, and how much distance I'd have to go to be someone who changes the world. I can hardly keep from being distracted from my life's goals, even knowing what they mean to me - how on earth can I accomplish them?

Yes, God's part of this thought process. Yet I feel like so much of what I know of God is pat, simple answers for nontrivial situations. I can give right answers, quick answers, easy answers to others' hard questions, and it feels exactly the way it sounds - cheap. And when it comes to my own hard questions, I can answer myself the same way, but I don't like to. I know my identity, my satisfaction in life, my joys should be found in God. I know it. But can I do it? Can God do it? Am I letting Him do it? But enough thought for a night, I'll come back to this.

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